hey buddy ethan was baptised yesterday....i missed you a lot.... i miss you a lot all the time. i know you were there but it isn't the same buddy. i am seeing a lot of your looks in ethan... i hope he has your enjoyment for life hopefully at a slower pace though. brady i will never understand any of this... not what i expected out of my life. this stuff happens to other people not to me.... i wonder if you were just a dream sometimes because you were here and then you were gone. 3 1/2 years was not long enough baby... if you were a dream than baby you were the greatest dream i could have asked for, next time don't end the dream with a nightmare. baby i need a sign from you for both mommy and daddy to let me know if what i want we should have.... just wanted to say hi and let you know i think of you always....luv ya baby bear
Hey baby bear.... thinking about you a lot this week... been at uncle randy's pool and have had a lot of time to think... i missing you a lot and i should have been watching both you and alex in the pool while ol gammie watches ethan. i have been doing okay... not crying as much but the pain is always there. i am missing your smile and the way you kept me wondering what you were gonna do next. Baby i will never understand why you had to leave me and what we did to deserve this. i say thanks all the time for the fact that i had you. i also curse all the time for the fact that i only had you for that short period of time. what a tease. not sure what i have done to deserve this kind of pain. i get comfort knowing you don't feel the pain. They say you are extremely happy. i sure hope so buddy... we are all down here sharing enough pain for you... i am doing what i think you would want me to do.... i am trying to give your brothers a happy life. i decided i need to live my life for you and not stop living because you aren't with me. it isn't easy but i will do it to honour you... i have seen the butterflies you have been sending.... they are gorgeous and i always follow them with my eyes...definately know you sent them because they don't seem to stop for a second. Diego is on right now... i have a hard time watching it..... reminds me of you saying "FREEZE BOBOs" gotta go ethans waking up.. luv ya buddy
Hey little bear Mommy, Alex, Ethan and I just had a camp out without you only the second one so far this summer. Its pretty hard not having you with the rest of us we all miss you so much. Even though you really wernt there with us anyway. You remember how we would be out back by the fire rousting marshmellows and you would take off with you cozy coupe and ride down the drive way with nobody watching you. Me and mommy runing after you saying you cant do that with out us out front with you. I miss those summer days with you little man I miss you so much. We saw you on the 4th in some pics I hope you were in some tonight. I could really use some comforting right now something to know that your with me with your family were you should be in this house with me and your mother. I miss you and love you soooooooooooooo much little bear forever your Daddy.
hey baby haven't written in a while... sorry.... i am missing you a lot... i miss holding you and being able to see you sleeping... (seem like the only time you behaved) You always looked like an angel and so at peace when you where sleeping. i miss that thick wavy hair, i miss watching those little spiderman undies run around. I really honestly miss everything about you.
some things i wanted to say to you but up until now didn't feel i could. I know you don't blame me.... will i ever not feel guilty... sorry buddy for that the answer is no. i had no control on when you left me but you are my precious child and you should be here and for that i will never forgive myself in letting something happen to you.
i wanted to say sorry for our last morning together.... i am sorry that i didn't give you the ice cream and i hope you are having all the mint chocolate ice cream you can eat right now. i just wish i was the one giving it to you. hope you enjoyed the fireworks... you had the best seat in the house. probally was an amazing show from up there... sorry i didn't watch them much it was too hard. alex pointed the special ones out for you... about the lady bug fireworks...you could of had it go somewhere else than under ethan stroller..almost had a heartattack. i saw you in the photos. i know you were there. missed seeing you do the sparklers. auntie jennie bought us an amazing gift. it is your fingerprint on a necklace.. we both balled like babies. been doing a lot of that for the last 4 1/2 months. so i am gonna ask a few favors.. first there is alittle boy up there named michael and he is 4 1/2. find him and you guys play with each other and take care of each other until we meet up with you guys again.. seems like he is a really cool kid and guess what buddy he is a rockstar like you.
another favor come see me in my dreams i feel like i am losing so much of you that i need to you are okay. i need to know for myself not what other people tell me.
alex says you are on the ceiling fan spinning around... wouldn't surprise me.
i miss you soooo much little bear. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm taking care of your brothers and doing what i need to to get through but this isn't easy. well baby you keep driving that home depot truck around and i'll talk to you later. luv ya baby...
Hey little bear im so sorry that I didnt write anything to you yesterday. But while everybody else was having a bad day something good happend. I thought it would be cool to try and meet Tony Stewart your favorite nascar driver you know the home depot car. And i was able too he signed a picture of you for me the one of you on your second birthday the one with green frosting all over you face. I hope it ment as much to you that it did for me. The only thing that I can do for you now is to figure out was to honer you and keep presents with us. I miss you soooooooooo much my Brady bear. Think about you all the time not a day goes by that I have to stop in my tracks and say to myself I cant believe my little bear gone. I want you in my arms so bad just one more bear hug please. I would give almost anything to hear you tee hee laugh to see your smiling face to hold you in my arms one more time. Miss you and love you soooooooooooooooo much. Forever your Daddy.
